SHOWING UP FOR YOUR FRIENDS
How can we best show up for a friend or family member in need?
It’s hard right? As mothers, having time to do anything is difficult. I’ve found that it's not necessarily the time to procure the gift or drop it off, rather the brain power or thought it takes to get to that step.
“What would they like or need?”
“I don’t want to bother them in this moment of grief or celebration.”
“I’m a bit uncomfortable. I don’t know exactly what to say or do.”
…and before you know it, you’ve been called away to do something for someone else in your house.
I have found a few things to be true; love, consideration and support of others cannot be received in the wrong way. In other words, ANYTHING you do or say is a gesture that will show you care.
The most important part is to just "do the thing.” You can’t go wrong!
Here are some helpful suggestions to guide you past the overthinking part:
Food is always a great option. If you love to cook and it will bring you joy to do so, go ahead and make your signature dish! Otherwise, make it easy and grab something from their favorite restaurant, or a store. Nourishing the body is a gift in and of itself, and you know how nice it is yourself to not have to think of the next meal. You can even send a gift through a food delivery app.
Something for the momma! She is generally the one carrying the wellness of the whole family. In good times and in bad. Focus on her needs. How about a pretty new blanket for physical comfort? A gift card for future use, that involves relaxation! Ie; facial, massage, manicure. A keepsake item to commemorate the triumph or struggle. Necklace with date or initials. Comfy pajamas have been a tried and true favorite of mine to give away.
Ask them, with specific questions, how you can help them. If you say “what can I do? or do you need anything?” that brain burden that we are trying to avoid ourselves, is put on them. They have to try to come up with and put words to their needs. So say “Can I bring you a meal?” “Can I take your other kids off your hands?” “Would you like to meet out for a meal and some good conversation?” “Would you like to take a walk, so I can listen?”
So here is a recap:
“What would they like or need?”
ANYTHING! But I’ve linked a few things below to help you out. Don’t forget to use these discount codes at checkout!
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“I don’t want to bother them in this moment of grief or celebration.”
THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE (unless you’re barging into their space). Ask the specific questions to flush out their needs.
“I’m a bit uncomfortable. I don’t know exactly what to say or do.”
This isn’t about you! They are probably way more uncomfortable in some way. Simple answer: “I’m thinking of you.” “I love you.” Pick a thing and just DO IT!
Something is always better than nothing! If you didn’t already know, serving one another is the most fulfilling thing we can do in this life.
To hear more about this topic, listen to our latest episode with Nicole Haglund to hear about her journey of birthing, loving, and caring for her son Noah for a month before his passing. Learn how to best support those in your life who have experienced loss at any level.
