A mental shift for moms who struggle to ask for help
Asking for help can be a difficult thing to do. I wanted to go over the reasons why women & mothers DON'T ask for help. These are my own (thoroughly well used) excuses and also deep rooted beliefs as to why not...and I know many other mothers say these exact same things...cause you've told me...many times!
"This is my job"
"I can't afford it"
"I care so deeply about this and want to be the best at it"
"I can persevere and do hard things"
"I was made for this"
"I don't want to burden anyone else"
Sometimes all it takes is a mental shift, or a way to stop arguing for your limitations and start thinking more about your possibilities!
“this is my job. I’m supposed to be doing (all??) of this."
Yes this is your job, but are you going to be successful if you’re the accountant, the sales person, the HR specialist, the scheduler, the trainer, the strategist, the the the...you get the idea. You know that logistically this "job" requires many people...DON'T YOU? As a business grows, so does the need for more employees. It makes sense from a business perspective, so let it also make sense for your home life. You can only stretch so thin, momma. If you have help, you are still doing your job...and probably many of them.
“I can’t afford help.”
Ok, maybe not. May I suggest looking at the other areas that you spend money in and see if they fill your mental, physical, spiritual or emotional needs? A mother is doing the most important job in the world, right? We all tend to agree with that...so her (your) needs are imperative to be intentionally met.
Also, what about a trade with other mom friends? You can trade child care or even other services that you are good at or enjoy.
“I Care so deeply about being a mom and want to be the best at it.”
Yes, you care so deeply about the needs of your children. In order to do the best for them you also need to care deeply about the needs of yourself. "You cannot pour from an empty cup."
“I can do hard things. I can overcome.”
Absolutely you can! Remember, you already did when you grew the human inside of you for 10 months and then birthed them out of a tiny hole in your body! We all (and YOU) know that you can and HAVE done hard things, and continue to do so daily raising your children. Maybe the real hard thing that you need to work on is giving up control, learning to be ok when you have to leave your kids, learning to prioritize your needs, or even learning what your needs are! I know that’s easier said than done, but slowly learning to do hard things to benefit YOU will go a long way for your mental, physical, and emotional health.
“I WAS MADE FOR THIS.”
We were made to love, be loved and spread love. We already know how much you love your children, and they love you!...because we are moms too, and we feel it ourselves. So you are doing what you were "made for," but you were not made to be unfulfilled. Maybe you ask for help if you are.
Help comes in many forms. It can be from a friend, just giving quality time, it can be from your spouse, asking specifically for them to help fill a need you have. It can be from a simple online search to find the resources that provide the help you need in the form of knowledge or understanding.
“I DON’T WANT TO PUT MY BURDEN ON ANYONE ELSE.”
You don't want to put a burden on others, and the good news is YOU ARE NOT! How great do you feel when you can help someone? GREAT! Whether it's a quick errand, a listening ear, referring them to someone or something, showing up, driving a kid, watching their kids, making a meal..WHATEVER! It feels so great to serve someone. Don't take that opportunity away from people. I would guess that whatever you think your "burden" is, has also been that other persons at one point in time too.
Asking for help is one of the strongest things anyone can do.
I myself am continuously learning how to ask for help. Most recently, I realized I did not want to be on this Motherload journey alone & that I needed help to build it into everything I know it can be. Listen to the latest episode of The Motherload Podcast to hear about my journey of asking for help and meet the newest member of the Motherload team, Lauren Brown.
